My Pet Theory
by Freeman Ashworth -- July 1, 2010
“Why don’t you write more articles about animals instead of all that stuff about stars and junk?” one of my readers asked.
“Although we have a couple of cats,” I told her, “I am not an animal lover. However, like Albert Schweitzer, I hate to see anything suffer needlessly.”
I suppose that covers the animal kingdom, for I am one of those few people who can catch flies and put them outside. (You sneak up on them and put your hand slightly behind them, where they will be, not where they are presently).
Nevertheless, I decided to look into this affinity between humanity and animals. Most kids, whether it is a cockroach or a canine, have had a pet. I was curious though of people who have pet snakes and those who put their heads into a lion’s mouths. I just figured they hadn’t been sewed up right. When our son lived by himself, he had a pet spider that he did not want me to do away with. I think most animal lovers read into this symbiotic affinity more than what is there.
Now, an animal is just an animal. Our pets, like babies, come to us at a very young age and we nurse them, train them, baby them, punish and reward them for their actions. Like children, they grow to depend upon us instead of upon Mother Nature tending to them. Unlike children, however, they never grow up; seldom make a fuss, and rarely ask for the family car.
Yet, people love pets as though they were an integral member of the family. When they get hurt or die, we hurt. We nurse their wounds and when they die, we perform rites over their makeshift graves, much as we would for the passing of Aunt Matilda. In fact, as we age, the passing of a pet from our lives becomes increasingly grievous. This explains why there are more and more pet cemeteries, such as the Hartsdale, New York Canine Cemetery springing up around the country.
Animals are costly, but few of us realize how costly. Years ago, I read an interesting statistic that stated we spend more money on pet food in this country than we do for baby food. This was a 25-year old statistic but it stated that it costs the owner of an 80-pound dog about nine cents an hour over its life span. At that rate, the cost of a puppy to dog heaven has a price tag of well over $8500. Cats, on the other hand, cost a bit over $2000. That was a 25-year old stat. I can guarantee you the cost rose considerably since then and you can find yourself in deep trouble if you list them on your IRS return.
Through the ages, pets have been an upper crust status in society. Rich people could afford them, po’ folks could not. Politicians get press coverage by fondling pets. More people remember Lynden Johnson’s beagles, Him and Her, than they do his vice president. He also got into political trouble for simply lifting one of them by his ears. Had he lifted his vice president in the same manner, no one would have cared! Kids know more about Napoleon’s white horse than they do of its rider. Even depressed children who have shut off the outside world, often return to reality by the association with a pet.
Most of us have heard stories about how some pet acted before a violent storm or an earthquake. It is only natural for an animal to sense changes in the environment faster than humans can, for they have had to rely upon these talents in order to survive in the wild. It is ‘guestimated’ by people who calculate these things, that the duration of humanity will be one the shortest species ever to live on this planet. Maybe we had better listen to the animals. Until later, cheers!